Because I can. Because I’m alive.
My internal clock woke me at 5:08 am. Soon after my roommate Ray wakes up. I put on my purple TNT singlet and performed my normal pre-run routine. Only difference was I took a big black marker and wrote “5” on the top of right hand and “Cole” on my right arm. Today was to be Cole’s 5th birthday; however, AML took Cole's life 3 years ago. On my left hand, I wrote “Freakishly Strong” and “2, 8, 14, 20 26.” The numbers represented my mini-goals within the marathon. A 2 mile warm-up, then 4, 10-k runs. On my left arm, I wrote “Brenda. Because I can. Because I’m alive. Because of You. I will not quit.” The first two phrases were Brenda’s mantras. The last two phrases are mine inspired by Brenda.
Can you find me smiling?
Ray and I headed down to Union Square for the team meeting around 6:10 am. As soon as I stepped out of the hotel, it was quite warm for a San Francisco morning. Additional clothing was not needed. Unfortunately, I was not feeling too great. Perhaps it was nerves, but I had the runs. During the team shout outs, I felt extreme discomfort. After it was over, I headed to the buses to dump my check-in bag. I had to use the restroom. No way was I going to use the port-a-potties. Joanne also had to use the restroom, so I suggested to just use my hotel’s bathroom since it was close by. We made it back to the start line around 6:45 am. We spotted Laura and Candace and so we hung out until we were able to cross the start line.
Olivia, Me, Matt O, Rocky, Claudia, Glenn
Mile 1-2: The warm-up
All of us crossed the start line around 7:20 am. By now, the sun had been up for 20 minutes. During the first ½ mile, we all stuck together. Eventually, Joanne and I were on our own. The plan was to run at least a 12 minute mile for each of the first 2 miles. While we did do some weaving, we still ended up running a 13 minute first mile. As we made the turn, we were still going at a low-tempo pace. We finished mile 2 in 12 minutes. The warm-up was done and I smiled.
Mile 3-8: 1st 10 K
As we hit Fisherman’s Wharf, you could tell it was going to be a beautiful day. The sun was out and the sky was blue. How could you not smile? As I looked up, I thought of Brenda and Cole and smiled again. Just before mile 4, we encountered our first major incline to get to the Marina. Nike could not have picked a more fitting slogan for this year’s run. “Run Together” simply was that. I don't think I had ever seen so many familiar faces on one race course. On the way up, I heard “Phil” and it was Amy G. and Anita. On the way down of the hill, I heard “Phil.” I turned around and it was Rhonda. That was just awesome to see familiar faces. I then saw a TNT singlet and it read “Choose Hope.” I said out loud “I Choose Hope!” It was Amy Bartlett who is a cancer survivor that spoke at the previous night's Pasta Party.
As Joanne and I ran through the Marina, the view of the Golden Gate Bridge was amazing. You could not have asked for better weather. Past mile 5, Joanne saw her husband and she demanded he give her a kiss. He did and I wished him a Happy Birthday. Joanne mentioned it was his birthday. As we made the turn to mile 6, it was the dreaded Mason Hill. I said "screw running" and I instantly turned into power walking mode. Although I have to admit, it was hard to restrain myself from trying to run it, but I think I made the smart decision. On the way up, we heard “hey guys” and it was Patti O. We all ran together and Patti took out her camera to take photos of us. Somewhere during this span, I hear "Philip" and I turned and it was Olivia, Claudia, and Jeanette. They asked how I was doing and I responded "Great!" By mile 8, I noticed the signs of all TNT honorees. I then glanced and saw the one for Brenda and tears started to form in my eyes. I got choked up and struggled to get my breathing together. As soon as I got myself together, I just smiled.
Smiling with Patty and Joanne
Mile 9-14: 2nd 10 K
By mile 9, I was surprised how good I was feeling. My calves were not locking up like years past. I felt like I had control of the race and I was doing it under my terms. I did not care about time. I would not have worn a watch if it wasn’t for needing the time to take my GU’s. You many not believe me, but I was smiling a lot. Joanne was doing okay; however her knee was bothering her. I stayed with her so she could get some tape; however, we went into the race knowing we could abandon each other at any time. At some point, I spotted Joseph and he busted out his camera to take photos of us. Coming down the Sea Cliff at mile 10, it was still Patti O., Joanne, and I. Then Joanne said “Look at that.” What a breath taking view of the ocean. The colors and sound of the waves crashing are still so vivid in my mind. I’ve only been able to see Ocean Beach when it’s foggy and misty. I smiled. Again, I was amazed my quads and calves were not hurting. Knowing how hard I had it the last few years and today I was feeling great, I was extremely thrilled.
As we turned into mile 11, I bypassed the banana station. Joanne stopped to get taped and at that point I wanted to keep going. Joanne was doing the half marathon and since the split was coming up, I thought it was time to go. I wished her good luck. Somehow I lost Patti O. and I was on my own. Not very far, I saw Karen and Susie cheering at the sidelines and I went to give them hugs. As soon as I left, I heard “Phil.” I turned around and it was Allegra and Roseanne, my pace running buddies throughout the season. I was so happy to see them. They both were doing the full and without a hitch I had new running partners for the race. Of course we all knew that each one had the option to leave one another. Right before the split, I hear someone say "Go Meenu." I thought to myself, how many Meenu's could be on the course. I yelled "Meenu" and sure enough, it was the Meenu I knew. She asked how Claudia was doing and I said she looked good. Soon after, the half marathoners split. At mile 13, I heard Ray call out my name. He was on the other side of the hairpin turn. I gave him a high-five.
I hit the half marathon mark around 2:49. It was around the same time I clocked in last year for the half; however, this year I felt so much better. At mile 14, we saw Allegra’s family cheering. Roseanne eventually fell into a groove and we lost her after mile 14.
Mile 15-20: 3rd 10 K
Around mile 15, I would run ahead of Allegra and would walk to wait for her to catch up. My own Cytomax was running low and I knew I had to start using the Gatorade Endurance Formula supplied by the race course. As we approached mile 16, we met up with the half marathoners again. There I saw Tim Y. cheering on the side and a little later 68-year old participant Claire running. I asked if she was doing okay and she said yes. I told her she was looking good and was almost there. She smiled back. I then saw Coach Gary telling half marathoners to stay right and full marathoners stay left. I gave him a high-five and he asked me how I was doing. I said “GREAT!” Shortly after, I saw Haakon and gave him a high-five. Right at the split I saw Yvette and gave her a medium-five. During the past 2 years, I always turned right; however, this year i'd turn left. As I placed my right hand to shield from looking right, I smiled and looked at the long road ahead of me…the Great Highway.
As I turned, I noticed how extremely sunny it was. With no shade in sight, I was a little worried, but I knew I was not going to quit. I then saw Honoree Michael and he was walking very slowly. He told me he was cramping all over and was pulled off the course by Coach Gary. Michael was a little bummed, but was coherent to know not to let ego overrule good judgment. So I knew he would be okay. Soon after, I saw Matt O. on the other side of the highway cheering runners in and he checked in to see how I was doing. I told him “AWESOME!” There was no doubt I was going to finish the race, it was just a matter of time. And with time, I truly did not care when.
I eventually kept going and did not look back for Allegra. I felt bad, but I had to keep going. Somewhere between mile 17 and 18, I was doing more walking than running. It was pretty darn hot. I was putting down a lot of Gatorade. I then bumped into Rudy and he asked me how I was doing. I told him I was tired, but my spirits were up. I wasn’t going to let anything bring it down. If I walk, I walk. No big deal. I’ll get there. He asked if I had seen Brandy and I said she’s probably way ahead of me. Sure enough, a second later Brian called Rudy and told him he was with Brandy at mile 21. I was so happy for Brandy because she was so close to the finish line.
Mile 18 was pretty tough. I tried running, but could feel my heart racing. I didn’t like how that felt, so I did a lot of walking. In addition, you could hear all the yelling from the other side of the highway from supporters telling the runners…”You’re almost there.” That’s great for them, but I’m still over here. As I approached Lake Merced, I was not feeling too great, yet I was in high spirits that I was going to finish the damn thing. At times I would look at the writings on my arm and would get a little choked up, but it gave me the motivation needed to keep moving on. After all, they were the reasons why I was going 26.2. I didn’t care about the necklace or the finisher’s shirt. I was not doing this for myself or for a personal record. I was doing this in the spirit of because I can and because I am alive.
Somewhere between mile 19-20, my stomach was gaseous and it felt pretty sick. During that time, I heard “Phil” and it was Candace. She caught up and looked really strong, so I told her to keep it going. At mile 20, I saw a familiar face. It was my sister and her fiancée. She brought her cowbell that she brought to Arizona. While I was struggling inside, I smiled. I told them I was tired, but my spirits were still high. I told them to take their time to the finish line because it was gonna take a while. She said that was okay. About a ½ mile later, I was spitting out Gatorade. Then I knew what I had to do to feel better. I pulled over onto the sidewalk and hurled out all the Gatorade. Within a few steps, I knew it wasn’t over yet. I then saw a father and child cheering nearby and to make sure I didn’t freak out the kid, I held it a little longer and hurled without them in sight. I instantly felt better.
Mile 20-26.2: Last 10K
Amazingly within 100 feet, I saw Coach Al on his bike. They seem to always be there when you most need them. I told Coach what just happened and how I was worried I wouldn’t have enough electrolytes in my system. He told me to stop drinking the Gatorade because of the sugar, and just drink water and take my GU’s. I told him I had pretzels and asked if I should eat that. He said sure. Pretzels were what Brenda gave me at mile 15 during my first marathon in Arizona. Soon after I left Coach, I heard “Hey” and it was Allegra. She caught up to me. We walked for a while. She then asked if I wanted to run the downhill, but I was tired at that point. I told her to go ahead because she had it going. Meanwhile my inner thighs were chaffing and the bottom of both feet were blistering. I just wanted to sit down. So I sat down at the first aid station around mile 21.5. I put on some Myomed and they placed ice on my neck to cool me down. I then bumped into Amanda and Marjorie who were both at the station.
I was then on my way. I was mostly walking, but jogged whenever possible. My groove was long gone and I probably could have tried to restart it, but I decided to just enjoy the whole experience. Even though things could have gone better, I was satisfied with what was going on. I knew I was going to finish. More importantly I was smiling and loving the experience. The same way Brenda would have loved it. Around mile 23, I bumped into Mama Lisa and I told her what I told Coach. She said to take in some salt packets and wished me off. I smiled back. I then heard “East Bay Rocks” and it was Mari. Her significant other was by her side helping her finish the race. As I looked at my watch I was surprised to see the time was 5:24. I had a good chance to get under 6 hours. However, I just smiled and knew it wasn’t important to me.
By mile 24, I was out of Lake Merced and I could see they had already shut down the other side of the road. My mind was set on walking the rest of the way. Why run? What difference is it going to make? I then saw Portia walking in the opposite direction and I gave her a big hug. She asked how everything was and I said “Great!” She said there were people worried about me and waiting for me at the end. I smiled. At mile 25, I saw Karla and a big smile came across my face. Probably about a month ago, Karla said she’d see me in and there she was. She asked if I was okay and I said yes. At that point everything was hitting me at once. Brenda, Cole…my whole reason for being out there and I quivered in my speech which led me to tear up. She told me that at about another ¼ mile, Rocky, Olivia, Claudia, Rudy, and Jeanette would be on my right hand side. As I got closer, I saw them waving at me and as I passed them, they all ran beside and behind me. Then Rocky said my sister and her fiancée were on the left hand side. I gave them a smile as I passed by. I then kicked into gear and could see the finish line. Before crossing I also spotted Karen and Susie cheering and going crazy. As I crossed through the finish line, I just pointed to the sky. That was for our angels. I then turned around and smiled at all my good friends that ran me in. Olivia then asked me how I felt. I told her (with a smile on my face) I had fun.
Running to the finish with the gang
In fact I have no idea what time I finished. I tried to look up my results and apparently I’m not in the system. Most likely, the volunteers misplaced my chip. However, I like how I don’t have a time. It’s only fitting. Sometimes it’s not about time. It’s about doing the damn thing.
While I know I can complete full marathons, this marathon reaffirmed what I said in San Diego. I don’t want to do a full marathon again. This marathon would be a great way to end it. So when New York rolls around next year, I don’t think I’m signing up. I think I’ll stick with half marathons. They are half the work and twice the fun you know!
Words can't express my gratitude to everyone who ran with me and supported me on the course. You are the reasons why this marathon was fun. You helped me accomplish my goal and that was to finish the marathon with a smile. Thank you! =o)
Smile.
